Aaaahhhh for fan mail!

Today I got a nice little e-mail from Amazed asking where I'd gone....I feel so guilty! And Ashamed! I've been avoiding my blog. In fact I talked about it to DH not two weeks ago. I told him I worry about not blogging.



His advice: "Stop making a production out of it" Blogs don't have to be witty (really?), entertaining (For sure?), or Profound (I'm not sure I'm buying this)......they're for you, just write what you feel and don't make a big deal out of it.



Well, let me honestly say that having lurked on many sites that were witty, entertaining AND profound, the pressure just gets to me. My life is honestly nothing short of boring on most days. A little housecleaning, the occasional book, a soccer game now and then, church, eating and sleeping.....that's it for 90 percent of my days. (I'd like to think the other 10% is actually consumed with something meaningful so God will give me credit for 10% of my time).



So there you have it. I'm here, not dead (though the above description makes it sound like I'm close to it), just not inspired.



I'm leaving on vacation in two days to go see my BEAUTIFUL grandaughter and her equally beautiful parents. Need I mention that I'm driving alone because DH is currently on a forest fire in Florida? Technically I'm not driving alone....just "driving" alone. I'll have two 14 year old girls in the back seat the whole 15 hour drive......I'm just assuming they won't be talking to me : )



I'm sure the trip will provide blog fodder of one sort or another. In the meantime thanks to "Amazed" for the nudge!

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeee~

For the fifth time today I’ve answered the question "Do you feel any older?" the same way.........

"I don’t know , it’s so hard to really know how one feels when one is so totally
consumed with just getting through a day without breaking a hip."

Honestly, I don’t feel all that bad....even at my "advanced" age I can still feed myself, drive my own car, navigate a room without the use of a walker, and miracle of miracles----remember my own name on almost every occasion.

I thought I’d cheer myself up and relive a few accomplishments of the past year, let’s see now.....

Well......... there was that time last summer...... I won the Happiest Camper award when my outhouse (as in "mine at that particular moment") was picked up by a forklift and loaded on a truck....yup, I was one Happy Camper!

I became a grandma....I know, you might be saying "Well now sweetie, technically that’s not your accomplishment ....it’s your daughters’..... but I say......just try getting a baby without having a mother yourself!! (Never thought about it that way did you? I didn’t think so.) As I said.....major accomplishment!

I lost 26 pounds ... I think that’s right.....ummmm, let’s see now, .... 2 pounds X 13 times = Yup! 26 pounds! Move over Kirstie!!!

I gave up coloring my hair......now I just go ahead and color all of them.

I decided to spend the year coming to terms with my limited memory and now I just go with it and enjoy those little surprises each day.........."Oh my gosh, we have three children?!"

Oh yeah, I also became a devotee of Yoga........and, (not so) coincidentally, the hot tub!

All in all life at 51 isn't so bad and I guess I’ll just keep on living it in spite of all the anti-aging products out there (I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would want to stop aging at 25......I mean, and I totally might be missing something here but, wouldn’t that mean you died?)

Sure love ya!

For the love of a sport....

Last night we did our civic duty and attended the school board meeting where they held a public forum to discuss the possibility of adding soccer to the school's athletic program (junior high and high school level). What? You thought every school in America had soccer as an option....nope, this is Indiana...here we have a wide variety of sports.....it's just that they only include Football, Basketball and Baseball. Really the High School Football coach stood up and expressed his opinion that while "we may not have the broad variety of sports" we do have a very "in depth" athletic program which is unrivaled by other schools.

He went on to explain that this meant we have Football and Basketball from 6th through 12th grade AS WELL AS (I know, this is truly amazing) JR. VARSITY teams for each! He also said that instead of adding a new sport we should probably concentrate on adding more lockers to the Football locker room because many of the boys have to share a locker on game night (that's because we have the original team members and approximately FORTY FIVE bench sitters).

Truly it was frustrating to have to sit there on my hands and listen to a million and one reasons why the school could simply NOT consider adding soccer (we currently have 300 soccer players who play in an adjacent county because we can't play here) because there simply isn't enough interest.....and get this.....IF soccer were added it would take valuable players out of the other sports (I thought there wasn't any interest?!)

D3 plays soccer, she's played for several years now but will be entering High School next fall. At that time she is no longer eligible (due to age) to play in the league. Its a shame that these kids build up skill for 4 years and then have to just drop the sport because it isn't available at their school.

The school boards "decision" was that they would study what's been said and then "come up with something" but in the paper they were quoted as saying that it would be impossible to fund a new sport when so many other items are needed for the sports we currently have.....doesn't sound too promising......so to all 300 players....sorry, guess you'll have to learn to love Football (unless you're a GIRL of course!)

51 and just beginning the really hard work....

Okay, technically I'm still only 50 but I'll be 51 soon and I'm slowly working my brain around the number so it doesn't come as a shock when it really gets here.



I've been reading Bob Greene's Best Life book, as well as Dr. Oz's (I love that guy!) book.."You, on a Diet!" No matter how hard I try I just can't fool myself any longer. Oprah and I have a lot in common.....you wouldn't think so would you.....I mean she's a gazillionaire and I'm secretary to my husband, she's famous, I"m.....well, Not!, she's wise and in touch with her inner self and I'm struggling to understand even the tiniest things about myself but....what we really have in common (I've learned from these two books) is that we both have emotional "issues" that we solve by eating. According to my good friends "Bob" and "Mehmet" there's a lot of hard work ahead of me if I ever want to understand my never ending weight issues.



About 6 years ago I thought I'd gone to heaven when I lost 58 pounds in 6 months going from my all-time lifetime high of 178 pounds (yes, that was on my 5'4" frame), to 120 pounds. I thought life had begun for me at last and I vowed never to revisit that "me" again. Over these 6 years I've learned a few things:



1. I am TOTALLY able to continue a regular daily (except for Sunday) exercise program....I don't like it exactly but I'm able to be committed and steady. I never miss my workouts unless I'm just physically in a place where I can't do it.....i.e. an airplane!



2. I still have food issues. I've steadily, albeit slowly, regained and lost pounds over and over again for the past 6 years. I currently weigh in at 150 pounds which is so frighteningly close to my REALLY FAT self that I can see her lurking around the corner. I can honestly say I havent' willingly looked in a mirror, (or at my reflection in a window!) in over a year, I just can't face myself.



3. This is the important realization......I still have NO idea what those issues are!



According to Bob I'm self-medicating, or using food to fill some empty space inside, or using food to push down some emotion I don't want to feel, or filling some need with food that could be filled in another way.....okay, then what is it and how do I find this out?



I've thought about when I eat....generally it's when I'm upset, nervous, jealous, or angry. Why I turn to food I have no idea unless it's simply that I haven't learned any other way to deal with those emotions. Come to think of it, those emotions are the ones I've tried to conquer appropriately my whole life.



My mother-in-law told me that my sister-in-law had been "starving herself" and was now so thin that we wouldn't recognize her.....I went home and ate a bowl of ice cream. My husband went on a diet to reduce his blood sugar and cholesterol and lost A LOT of weight in a relatively short time......I quit eating good food, stopped counting calories and simply gave up my formerly good eating habits entirely, when money is tight I eat, when I feel lonely I try a new recipe, when I'm worried about my children I want nothing but chocolate.



It seems like I have a good handle on when I eat but I have no idea why food has become the answer for me. I also have no idea how to handle those feelings more appropriately. When I lost the weight before I ate one salad a day....approximately 300 calories.....and NOTHING else except water from April to September. I also ended up in the hospital, my hair fell out, and I couldnt' sleep at night......somehow I don't think that was totally the way to do it and frankly I don't want to try it anyway..... it was painful.



This blog was started over a year ago as a "creative" outlet for me....somewhere for me to write down the humorous happenings in my life, since that time (sorry to those of you who were ...at least moderately entertained) I've felt the humor slowly disappear, most days are filled with anxiety of one sort or another....some imagined, some self-inflicted, some simply unavoidable ......



I'm not sure what the answer is but I know I'm tired of the struggle. I hate what my life has become.....a minute by minute struggle with food. You know what really bothers me? That old saying...."You are what you think about"......Perfect!....that makes me "The fat old slice of chocolate cake covered in ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top"!

What I've learned from a college student....

This past four days I've been lucky enough to be in Rexburg Idaho with "Tiny" ....as her guest for Mom's Weekend at BYU. At 50 I'm living the life of a college student. I have been so impressed with these girls. Their home is filled with the spirit. There are reminders in every room and on every wall of the divinity that is within each of them.

I have thought so much about what a special experience they are having here. How different it is from the world's view of what a college girl's life is like. There are no conflicts in this home over parties that go on too long into the night or roommates that invite boys to spend the night thus making the other girls feel uncomfortable. There is no question about what movies will be viewed or what music is appropriate. Their dress is always modest and ....to be honest....beautiful. The young man who dates these girls is expected to be everything good and virtuous. The attitude here is that "I should be able to date someone who has lived his life the way I have....with integrity, purity and honor"

I wish every girl could experience the happiness that comes to these girls from living their lives in harmony with God's laws. They take what they have been given and magnify it, they reach out to love others, they spread happiness and goodness, they truly can change the world....I am so happy and proud that my Daughter is here.

I watched the special on TV the other day about Oprah's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa. I thought often as I watched the program about the standards they are expected to keep and the reasons given....because by learning to live good, virtuous, worthy lives they will be able to move out into the world someday and make a difference. That is what the girls in the church have been taught all their lives, to be different, to be unique, to stand out .... even to stand apart when necessary, but always to stand above the base and crude, and to to make a difference.....every day.

This is truth....goodness and light begets goodness and light. I am not a college student, but I can make a difference by the way I choose to live my life. I can work hard with integrity, I can provide for myself never expecting the government to sustain me. I can raise my children to Love .....the Lord, others and of course themselves. I can be positive and happy, I can try to speak kindly and reach out to those who have need of help, I can choose my words carefully trying to uplift and encourage.....

Yes, there's a lot to be learned from these girls.....they are......WONDERFUL!!

The me you see vs. the me I want to be....

The other day I heard someone say the most beautiful thing. She said "If, when we look at another person, we could take the most perfect snapshot they've ever shown us of themselves and remember that, we would have just a glimpse of the person they truly are".

What she was getting at is something I hope I can remember for the rest of my life.....that the person we show to others is such a limited view of who we really are that we should never, ever, judge someone (even ourselves) on what we see at first glance or what we see in any one moment of time....say that moment when we're losing our temper, or our patience, or that moment when the wrong words escape our lips....

This made so much sense to me. I know the person I want to be....I have a vision of that person in my head and heart, unfortunately I dont' think many people see her when they look at me. Some of that personality is simply not well enough developed for me to get it out, some of it I'm afraid to share, and some of it is still a "project" under construction. Nonetheless it's there, it's who I really aspire to be, it's who I feel, deep inside, is the "real" me.

Frankly if I thought for one minute that I was the only me I could ever be, that there wasn't a hope for change or improvement, I'd just give up......or be completely demoralized because frankly I'm not at all satisfied.....I know I have a lot more work to do on "me" and I just hope I get enough time in my life to accomplish it!

In the meantime I think maybe we should give each other a break, maybe not be so quick to take offense, maybe realize that very rarely is anyone out to really hurt us....more often than not when we get our feelings hurt it has more to do with us and how we feel about ourselves than what someone else has said.

Yup, there's a lot of work to do and as the song says......let it begin with me!

Scrambled thoughts....sleepless nights

Great idea....getting up later....not pushing myself to go out an exercise and the crack of dawn because there was no reason to....HA! It only worked for one day. The last three days I've been wide awake at 5:00 a.m., I've tried, really I have, to stay in bed but it's no use. I can fall asleep only to wake up minutes later to look at the clock again. Today I gave up and just got up! (I'm still not going out to the garage until later because it's only 16 degrees out there this morning and there's nothing worse than an old woman covered in goosebumps....why do they call them that anyway?......trying to get an hour of exercise while wearing gloves, ski mask, and down parka!)

Anyway, I'm still on the look out for great ideas to change up my rather dull winter existence. After having thought about it I think it's the withdrawal after living in Florida for three weeks with Nutella and being able to enjoy the outdoors. To think I actually used to believe I'd like living in Alaska because the winter clothing was so much less revealing!

We're headed to the Home Show today to check out all the latest things and see what the Model home looks like. We're certainly not in the market for a new home (I'll die here in my little log cabin thank you very much) but I can always find things I'd like to have and we're getting ready to remodel the downstairs bath.....maybe we'll win a free whirlpool tub! At the very least I'll get to leave the house and not freeze to death....honestly cabin fever in January is the worst!

I got lots of suggestions about things to do to keep from being bored and I've decided to take a Yoga class. I took one once a few years ago with "Tiny"....it was a lot harder than I imagined but it was fun and gave me something new to try, I've just about talked D3 into being my partner this time.

I considered taking piano lessons....I wonder if not being able to read music would be a problem? I also need to get a LOT of geneology done. HH and I are heading to Phoenix for a week the middle of February and while he's in meetings I could go to the temple and get a lot of work done.....so far I haven't succeeded in getting any of my files successfully transferred to the Ward Family History Library to get them ready, I always just give up but a talk in Church yesterday left me inspired and feeling somewhat guilty for my lack of effort so I'm determined to try again.

I'm also struggling with a dilemma regarding the payment of an allowance to D3. She's 14 and the only child still at home. We pay her a quarterly salary .... through our business....to answer the phones when she's home (and take legible messages), handle our mass mailings and file when I need her to. I watched a program the other day that said every child should have an allowance, along with the allowance should be a list of chores that the child should accomplish in order to "earn" the allowance, and a "matching" system for money saved. This teaches them a work ethic, how to budget money from week to week, and that money saved is money earned.

It sounds so great but when HH and I sit down to come up with a list of chores it becomes more than complicated for me. When the other girls were at home I worked all day......outside the home....coming up with a list of chores for them to do every day was not only easy it was necessary. Now however, I find myself almost physically ill thinking of assigning her chores to do after school that I have more than ample time to do myself. On top of that I (this is really sick) actually enjoy things like doing laundry, mopping floors, cleaning out cupboards, etc. I don't know if this is because I never had time to do it before, or because it's so instantly gratifying (this really IS sick). Anyway, I don't have any problem changing D3 from a "salaried employee" to an allowanced teen except for the chore thing. I know I'll feel guilty watching her do the laundry, for instance, when I know I've had all day to do it myself....AND I'll probably resent the fact that I couldn't do it myself......

Lots of pondering ahead I'm afraid....

It's the middle of winter, and I must be getting old...

I reached an epiphany yesterday when I felt tired all day long. It occurred to me that I get up every morning at 5:45, exercise for an hour, then try to fill a very long day with meaningful activities....sometimes I succeed, most times I don't.

I'm not sure if it's the winter.....no gardening, mowing, raking, sweeping porches, organizing the barn, etc.; or if it's my age and I just have little to do every day but I find myself bored, unable to find anything to fill my time. I'm sure I could find something to do but honestly, it seems to take more effort than I have.

SO....I remembered my Grandma telling me once not to call her before 8:00 in the morning. I was surprised and asked her why (she had always been an early riser....5:00-6:00 a.m.) she told me she had suddenly realized that she had been retired for over 15 years ... there was NO reason she should be getting up so early.

Well, today I didn't set my alarm for 5:45, I got up only when I hear D3 hit the snooze alarm for the third time. I didn't go right out to exercise....I can do that after I put her on the bus. I used the hour to make her lunch (usually done in a rush 10 minutes before she gets on the bus after I take the fastest shower possible), take out the trash (also done in a rush every Wednesday morning), type a little (my blog has been sorely neglected), and read my scriptures (usually done whenever.....but my favorite time is always before I get too far into the day).

Now I can exercise at my liesure, and when I get done I can have breakfast ..... or not....I don't need it, I'm trying to lose weight. Skipping breakfast (I know....it's a sin) is the easiest way for me to cut calories....I don't enjoy it that much and if I don't get done exercising till 9:00 or so then it's too close to lunch time anyway.....

Maybe, just maybe, the 8 hours of sleep will make me feel a little more energized during my day. I hope my outlook will be a little brighter and I'll have more of a spring in my step. Frankly life right now feels a little dull and boring, I need to extend myself somehow, maybe I'll take up karate! (Okay, maybe not....)

Becoming a grandma takes time...

Well, actually, becoming a grandma is no excuse for being gone for so long but it just seemed that all my thoughts were consumed with the welfare of "nutella" and the upcoming birth of her first baby.

She did a great job producing one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen!

I've been lucky enough to be able to be here with her for the past week and a half, I go home next Tuesday and I know I will be so sad : (

I'm fine tuning my Grandma muscles though and getting prepared for years of spoiling! Nutella's sweet little girl was named after my Grandma who I loved so MUCH! If she lives up to her name she's going to be wonderful!

The other nice thing about being here for the baby is I get to be out of Indiana which is wet and cold......living here in Florida is great! I need to find a way to buy a winter home here, it is so nice to look out and see the sun every day and have leaves on the trees and flowers blooming! In January!!! Having lived in Wyoming much of my life the Florida climate is so nice!

We had a funny moment the other night when Nutella was feeding "bean" (a nickname that has stuck).....we'd been trying various techniques to get her to sleep longer and decided to try the "tight swaddle" that they do in the hospital. Nutella fed her, got her to sleep and carefully wrapped her up in the tightest, best produced swaddle ever done without a nurse.....we were so proud! After tiptoeing carefully to the crib she laid bean down and slowly, every so slowly, stood up......almost

It was about this point that she realized she had "swaddled" the tie to her robe inside the baby's blanket......oh, how we needed that laugh! A few nights of little sleep made us somewhat punchy but the laugh was completely rejuvenating.....the hardest part was giggling quietly enough to not wake the sleeping, perfectly swaddled, baby!

Thank Heaven for Little Girls!

Mommy's.....they're the greatest!

I got this in an e-mail from my dad.....it made me laugh so, although it technically isn't a post from me, I hope it makes your day!

THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up somethingoff the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked."Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, mydaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How doyou know all this stuff?"

"Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering
this new information.

"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy.""Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.


Oh, and thank goodness for little children, who make us laugh in spite of ourselves!...........

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..." He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"
Church was pretty much over at that point...

Have a great day!

I am so sorry I've become a lurker....NOT by choice

There are some of you out there that haven't yet switched to Beta Blogger....little did I know that when I switched over I would no longer be allowed to comment on your "Non-Beta" blogs......I am so sad!

Anyway I still read you, wish I could tell you I love your blogs......

Thwart Global Cooling!

Well, in spite of many mixed reviews on the new "Beta Blogger" I've given in to screen pressure (I got a message from them 10 times a day!) and switched to the new version. I'm hoping for good things, but I won't be surprised at just "average".

I've been away from my "post" (no pun intended) for some time it seems. I'd love to say I've been visiting far away ports and seeing the sights but frankly, I've just had a little "blogger block" and enough things to keep me busy that I just didn't get around to writing. (That was a wordy way of saying that my life is rather dull and boring and even I don't want to read about it!)

I've been readying myself and my house to host a baby shower for "Nutella" the Saturday after Thanksgiving (WHAT WAS I THINKING!!!!). As if having an occasion like that right after a major holiday isn't bad enough I invited 50+!!!! (What can I say "Nutella" is popular). I even pared the list down to just those whom she knew well when she lived here plus relatives that can't be ignored (whether she knows them well or not!)

My little log cabin is exactly that.......little, I think we have just over 2000 square feet.....I counted available seating and if I pack every chair we have I think 23 of those 50 people will be able to sit down, I plan on stacking the rest of them on the stairway and kitchen counter (just kidding!....I'm hoping they won't all be able to attend and I'm assuming a lot won't just because of the day).

Nutella and Tiny are naturals when it comes to entertaining, I ......well, let's just be honest here......I'm not. I love to have company once they get here, it's the planning that kills me. I guess I need to do it more often. HH and I have gotten into a rut in our old age, we socialize with family and that's about it.

We've nothing to say for ourselves except "we just like our own company" ....that is SO sad!!!! I read a great article the other day about "global cooling" in which the author explains the demise of "neighborhoods", at least as we knew them....read this excerpt:

"In the age of cell phones, email, and text messages—literally unlimited, constant communication—we seem to have lost our ability to make friends. We have neatly fenced yards and locks on all our doors, but who are we keeping out? It is quite possible in suburban America to never see or speak to our nearest neighbors—a situation that in an earlier age would have meant that we would have no help bringing in the crops or threshing the wheat or raising the new barn. While most of us no longer need our neighbors’ help to sustain the basic necessities of life, when we don’t know our neighbor, we miss out on life-enriching relationships, and we contribute to the trend of “global cooling”—the world is indeed a cold place without friends."

-Whitney Johnson

I wouldn't go so far as to say HH and I don't have friends, but our friends cosist mostly of family, and church members. After reading this article I'm determined to do better. We took our first step toward combatting "global cooling" last week when we ventured over to meet our neighbor....the one who moved onto the property adjoining ours over a year ago! It was a nice visit and I feel good to know that we at least made an effort.

Living in the country has it's only special problems when it comes to getting to know your neighbors but when I take time to think about it how hard is it ...really.....to drive a quarter of a mile and meet a new friend?

Vacation's coming!

We're off to Florida!!! Day after tomorrow! What does that mean? In general it means I'm excited to see "Nutella" and family (with a little side-trip to Disneyworld) but specifically it means......I'm a mess! I always feel overwhelmed just before vacation. It seems there are so many things to get done before I go. We hadn't even done our Visiting Teaching yet this month!!!

I NEVER pack till the day before, I just can't face it.....so I'll do that tomorrow (no sense changing my old annoying habits now, they've become like good friends!). So, today I cleaned the fridge, took care of the bills, deposited checks, caught up on office work and laundry. Tomorrow I'll clean the catbox (eeeewww!), pack for myself, make lists of what D3 should pack, stop the mail, clean the leaves off the pond, clean out the car, buy any last minute necessities, get my nails done and then I can panic!

I don't have the slightest idea why leaving affects me this way but I feel anxious most of the time. Once I'm on the plane the feeling leaves but till then ...Oh the nerves!

Last night for Family Home Evening we carved our pumpkins......kind of a theme thing in honor of visiting Disneyworld this week.....really this was totally unplanned but I think they turned out great...

Mickey (by HH), Cinderella (by D3) and Cinderella's Castle (by Moi!)

What's the gospel centered theme here you ask?

Well , let me tell you what our "treat" was.....Chocolate Lava Cakes.

Now can you guess?.....No?.............okay, here goes!

"Real Beauty comes from inside!"......huh? It is too gospel oriented!!! Okay, maybe not so much, but that's the best we could do......

It seems we've been so busy for weeks, lots to do but not much to show for it once you're done, if you know what I mean. It doesn't exactly bode well for the upcoming holidays. They seem to come on so quickly and there's so much going on that you barely have time to enjoy them. If there's ever a seminar given about how to get through the Holidays and actually enjoy every minute then I'm going to be the first one to sign up. There are so many things I love about the Thanksgiving and Christmas but that's generally the whole problem....so many things.....not enough time to do them all, let alone do them all in a meaningful way.

Nutella called this morning and they had record lows in Florida last night....the coldest night in 100 years or some such nonsense.....wouldn't you know, just when I'm hoping to go there for vacation the weather turns decidedly "Indiana-like". I don't care, I'm just going to pack my earmuffs and brace myself for the cold water at the end of Splash Mountain!

See you all soon.....Oh, and I may just have to write a "favorite things Wednesday" blog tomorrow since I won't be here on Thursday.....

Sure Love ya

You are what you think about......

One of the things I have done for the past few years is keep a small notebook with my scriptures. In it I write inspiration I receive as I read, thoughts I have as I listen to talks given in Sacrament Meeting or Confernce, favorite scriptures, and little "words of wisdom" I glean from hearing others. I have pages and pages of good things recorded in my little book....I thought I'd share a few of them with you.... (where I know the source I have included it, sometimes it is only my own thoughts recorded)

• 
  What matters most is what lasts longest.....the family. M. Russell Ballard
  A sincere apology never includes the word "but" as in.....I am so sorry, but...."
• 
  The Lord has blessings for us that we may not get because we do not ask. Elder Boyd K. Packer
• 
  Why do leaders of the church have so many opportunities in their lives where they experience the hand of the Lord? Because they look for it. High Councilman, Marion Ward
• 
  No message appears in scripture more times, in more ways, than "Ask and ye shall receive". Elder Boyd K. Packer
• 
  Happiness is like jam....you can't spread it evenly without getting a little on yourself." Kate Curran, speaker Marion Ward
• 
  If we teach our children how to observe a meaningful fast we will open up to them access to great spiritual power that they will need. Stake High Councilman, Jacksonville, Florida
• 
  Avoid the spirit and attitude of mockery and cynicism. Cease to find fault one with another. In a world beset by wrath we should not be a party to evil speaking of each other no matter the circumstances. Elder Robert S. Wood
• 
  Don't be bitter.....be better! John Bytheway
• 
  As you submit your will to the Lord you are giving him the only thing that is actually yours to give. Elder Neal A. Maxwell
• 
  There is no limit to the amount of good a man can accomplish if he doesn't care who gets credit for it. President David O. McKay
• 
  A beautiful woman has a glow of health, a warm personality, strength of character, love of learning, integrity, and the Spirit of the Lord. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
• 
  At the Chicago Temple the Temple President was asked how temple attendance could be increased or by what efforts it coud be accomplished. He replied "It cannot be done....the people will come or they will not, by their own desire. These are the last days -- the days of weeding out". After hearing his remarks my only thought was this... "Dear God, please bless me not to be a weed!"
• 
  "I Really Lived" by Sister Marjorie Hinckley... I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with gras stains on my shoes from mowing Sister Schenk's lawn. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbor's children. I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really LIVED."

Integrity, where has it gone?

Oh I am in a baaaaad mood! We have been working on getting a "brick" (actually a paver stone) patio put in. It's been a lot of work. First we had to excavate through the lovely clay soil of Indiana to remove about 400 square feet 3" deep. That was back breaking, but nothing compared to shoveling, by hand, 5.5 tons of crushed stone into the hole (yup, filling it up again) . Once that was all done "all" we had to do was get a ton or so of sand and wait for the stones to be delivered on ............. oh, yeah..... last Tuesday.

They never arrived so I called at about 8:00 Tuesday night and they said the truck was still out making deliveries and we were scheduled for an evening delivery so they'd more than likely be here any time......no such luck.

SO yesterday bright and early, I called the store and the manager of the delivery department said the truck had broken down but it was being fixed and they'd "have those stones" out to us by nightfall.......surprise!.....no stones AGAIN.

Lucky man, got to talk to me again at 8:00 this morning, he said they'd been delivered....I asked him where (since I sure didn't see them in the driveway) and things just went downhill from there.....to make a long story short our stone is still sitting in the Garden Department at Lowe's an hour away from our house.....they've never even been loaded on the truck! No real explanation just, "hmmmm, I guess they're still here, we could "maybe" get them to you on Sunday afternoon if that would be convenient. "

Needless to say Sunday is not only "not convenient" it's also a week late and I want them NOW!!! On Tuesday it was beautiful weather, even yesterday it was in the 60's .....today it's 40 and they're predicting snow.

I'm just so frustrated. It seems that more often than not, when we hire a job to be done it goes like this, the workers show up....or not, the work gets done on time......or not, and there's nothing at all we can do about it. You wouldn't dare pay a contractor up front because you might well never see him again but since you haven't paid (or not more than a small deposit) they really don't care when, or whether, they get the work done.....I really feel like I'm at their mercy.

I try to be understanding but honestly if we ran our business like this we wouldn't be IN business. I just don't understand how anyone can even feel good about doing this to people. When we put in our fireplace they brought most of the supplies in August and the stone mason came out .... he said they'd be done in about two weeks with good weather. Well, the weather was beautiful but I didn't see him again until the middle of September and the fireplace didn't get finished until 2 days before Thanksgiving!

Okay, I'm done venting, I'm going to find something better to do with my time today than dwell on this.....hope your day is going well! : )

Sure Love Ya!

Sometimes you need a reminder....

I got a beautiful e-mail from a friend the other day and felt like it was something worth sharing....indulge me a little lazy blogging....just for today

The Blind Horse

Just up the road from my home is a field, with two horses in it.

From a distance, each looks like every other horse. But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a good home for him. This alone is amazing. If nearby and listening, you will hear the sound of a bell.

Looking around for the source of the sound, you will see that it comes from the smaller horse in the field. Attached to her halter is a small bell. It lets her blind friend know where she is, so he can follow her.

As you stand and watch these two friends, you'll see how she is always checking on him, and that he will listen for her bell and then slowly walk to where she is, trusting that she will not lead him astray. When she returns to the shelter of the barn each evening, she stops occasionally and looks back, making sure her friend isn't too far behind to hear the bell. Like the owners of these two horses, God does not throw us away just because we are not perfect or because we have problems or challenges.

He watches over us and even brings others into our lives to help us when we are in need. Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by the little ringing bell of those who God places in our lives. Other times we are the guide horse, helping others see.

Good friends are like this ......... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.

Quoting a favorite song of mine......"have you done any good in the world today, have you helped anyone in need, have you cheered up the sad, or made someone feel glad....if not, you have failed in deed"

Inside a mother's fevered brain.....

Okay, so "Tiny" has been back at college for just about a month. Every couple of days I get a phone call that starts out with "Mom, guess what I did today!!!"

After the first one I learned to be careful.....the conversation went like this....

Tiny: "Mom, guess what I did today?!"

Me: "Oh, I don't know...tell me" (first mistake)

Tiny: "I jumped off a bridge"

ME: 'YOU WENT BUNGEE JUMPING?!"

Tiny: "Sheesh, no mom, we didn't use bungee cords we just jumped!"


Me: "Oh....." (I'm sure I said more but at this point it would have been my mouth in automatic as my mind frantically pictured this..........)











Next phone call?

Tiny: "Mom, guess what I did today"

Me: "...........You jumped off another bridge?" (You'd think I'd learn the first time).

Tiny: "NO....silly, ......I went Kayaking!"

Me: "Oh....." (my mind takes off.....)

Today she sent me "her" pictures (the above were ...thank goodness.....only in my imagination.....)

Bridge jumping:

And, of course, Kayaking:

From now on our conversations are going to go like this:

Tiny: "Guess what I did today mom?"

Me: "No time to talk honey, just send me a picture! : )"

Okay, a little cold but definitely worth it in terms of sleep and the length of my daily prayers!

Mom out!

A letter to my daughter....

Poor "Tiny" lost her wallet this past weekend....having lost mine only last month I could totally commiserate. In an attempt the cheer her up ...... a short letter.....

Dear Tiny:

I am sorry that you lost your wallet. I'd like to tell you it's the last time you'll ever do that but ....well, you're my daughter and that entitles you to certain um.......rights and privileges.

Because you are my daughter you will be blessed with the gift of being able to forget almost everything. When people hurt your feelings you will only remember it for a short time and then it will be over. When you go to a movie you will be able to enjoy it not just once, but every time you see it because you will have forgotten how it goes. You will enjoy the simplest of drives because it will always seem new.....to this day I can't drive to the temple without saying to myself "This road doesn't look at all familiar to me".

You will have more than one child because you will forget that pregnancy is hard, labor is no fun and raising children is expensive. You will forgive the faults of others because you won't remember what they are until they remind you. And yes, you will leave your purse, your wallet, your glasses, your shoes, your keys, your jackets and sometimes even your mind in all the many places you will go. This will be a vexation to you but it will teach you tolerance for others, understanding and believe it or not it will teach you patience with yourself.

Just like the good fairies in Sleeping Beauty I bestowed upon you gifts, the gift of being like your mom in at least a few things so that I could look at you and say to myself "Yes, she is beautiful, and yes, she is truly my daughter".

I love you (in spite of the crummy gift of forgetfulness!)

Gosh I honestly don't know how a week can go by so fast! I've been blessed to have my mom visiting me so of course the time flies even faster than normal. We even baked a pie together see?

We could have made LOTS of pies since we have an apple tree in our yard that produces hundreds of apples but we have one (million) little four-legged bushy-tailed problem.......squirrels! You know I wouldn't mind them eating the apples....I suppose they have to eat something (instead of my log cabin.....which, come to think of it, they do!) but they don't eat them they just pick them! Once the apple gets about the size of a ping pong ball they randomly pick them off and throw them on the ground.....truly it's maddening. I wasn't totally out of luck this year because they missed 13! Just enough for me and my mommy to make a pie and it was delish!

I've tried to make my peace with the fauna of the woods but honestly, although they were here first, I'd just as soon see them all move away to the neighbor's house and never let their furry little presence(s) darken my window (door, deck, rooftop, garbage can, gas grill, hot tub) again! .....if you know what I mean.

When we moved here I was (insert sweet girlish voice here) simply enchanted by the racoons. They were so CUTE! That was before they vandalized all the bird feeders, ate the hoses off the gas grill (on more than one occasion) and generally wreaked havoc upon my abode. They are very bold and will come right up on the back deck to stare in at us through the french doors (they don't seem to mind that I'm saving up to make my own racoon fur coat!) I've never known them to be outwitted by any contraption we think up to try and save the bird food for the birds. At one point HH hung the feeders from the eaves of the house so they couldn't climb the pole and get them anymore.

HA! As if this would stop the rascals.......the following night we saw one burly fellow eating the seeds off the ground as his "friend" hung by one hind leg from the roof, reaching out with his "hand" to bat at the feeder which caused immense quantities of the seed to fall as it swung wildly to and fro......yup, they're smart.

The squirrels are not nearly as clever but twice as fast and there must be millions of them! They destroy the apple tree, hide nuts in my dryer vent, chew on the dormers of the house, harvest "nesting material" from the canvas cover of the gazebo and frankly.....drive me crazy.

All I wanted was a little house in the woods among the peace and quiet of nature.....what did I get? A little lesson or two (most every day) on exactly WHO is in charge around here......and need I say it.......it certainly ain't me!

Sure Love ya!

Wow! Did you know?......

I am totally, and constantly, amazed at the amount of information you can get on the internet. Remember how happy I was that fall was (sort of) here? Well I got right out there and cleaned out the flower beds so I could plant my mums. HH's last words of advice to me that day were "Watch out for the poison ivy"
"Uh-Huh, sure honey (little voice in my head "I don't get poison ivy")
Well the next day I smugly told him that I had cleaned the flower beds and voila! no poison ivy (just as I thought, HA!)

Unfortunately what I didn't know is that poison ivy sometimes takes oh......say about 48 hours after you say you don't have it.....to show up (bummer....I hate the taste of my own words!) Anyway, I got it....the first time ever. Everyone has given me advice about it, the most common being encouraging words like "You know once you've had it you get it more easily than ever!" Gee Thanks friend! : )

Guess what? It itches! Terribly! Another piece of advice I got? "Don't scratch it because it will spread and be worse than ever" Oh,.....thanks again, wish you'd told me that yesterday.

So with a terribly itchy, ugly (now I understand the meaning of the words "an angry red rash), oozing mess on my arm I find myself constantly surfing the internet in search of self-help regarding stupidity, I mean poison ivy. Most of the advice I've already heard, and tried but then I find a gem....something that miraculously works!

Up till now my chief complaint has been the constant itching no matter what I put on it but I find this little tidbit on a website...."Try the hair-dryer treatment, it truly is the only thing that works to relieve the itching". So I begin my treatment, setting the hairdryer on medium and focusing the air on my tender but very itchy forearm. Immediately my arm begins to itch more than ever (luckily this was covered in the website so I continue), and get awfully red. It felt like a million little scratching fingers all over my arm, (I think I started to purr!), after 5 minutes the itching was completely gone! It lasted almost 4 hours! I did it one more time before I went to bed last night and didn't even wake up once to scratch......I'm so relieved! Ha Ha!

I have to say this method was 1000 percent better than some of the others I read about (and dare I say tried?......hey I was desperate)

• slap the itch till you can't stand it any more
• use a mixture of bleach and soap to wash it...after the initial sting it doesn't itch as much
• take a freezing cold shower then apply ice to affected areas (note: they forgot to say the ice may actually stick to wet skin......ouch!)
• chew a crushed poison ivy leaf to trigger your body's own immune response (duh!.....I don't think I'm trying that you idiot!)
• Rub affected area with rubbing alcohol, nail polish, nail polish remover, windex (hey, isn't that from Big Fat Greek Wedding), hairspray, denorex shampoo.....(the list goes on and on....obviously people are trying anything!)
• Apply duct tape to the area (this obviously controls the scratching, I wonder how you get the tape off?)

And last but not least I discovered the "Poison Ivy Rash Hall of Fame Slideshow".....not for the faint of heart but definitely made me feel better about my own relatively minor case!