I hope I don't forget to remember....

I'm turning 50 this year and a lot of things have been weighing on my mind, this seems as good a place as any to....well...unload. I know that someday I'm going to be one of those "old" people that I've been fond of, feared, revered, loved,respected, etc. I've often wondered what kind of sweet old lady I'll make. I'd love to think I'll sink quietly into my elder years with hardly a bump in the road, you know, just grow old gracefully as they say. I suspect though, that the road will be winding, full of blind curves, with puddles, potholes and an occasional "kiss-me-quick (a term coined by my grandmother, meant to describe that second where you are suspended in mid-air with your stomach in your throat as you come over an unexpected hill).

We were at the nursing home visiting HH's (That's my husband, I asked him for an acronym to describe him in my blog and he though HH for Handsome Hunk would do nicely)....grandmother a couple of weeks ago, one of her dining companions had the same lovely name as me! I listened to her talk about herself to other women around her and then commented that all the Helen's I know in life are lovely, sweet and kind .... she turned, stared at me for a second and then let loose with the longest string of swear words I'd ever heard in my life. Our 13 year old daughter was with us and I nearly covered her ears, needless to say we both blushed. Now I know that Alzheimer's can do funny things to you (my girlfriend Cindy used to call it "Old Timer's"), and that's precisely what I'm worried about.

I've not been one to swear but it certainly wasn't due to genteel breeding. My mother came from a lovely Mormon family who were sweet and dear in every way but have, shall we say, the most colorful speech you have ever heard. What I'm getting at here is that although I don't use the swear words myself they are moste definitely implanted somewhere deep within my little brain. One of my worst fears is that when I get old all these lovely adjectives will flow freely from my lips.....if so I'm begging your forgiveness now.

Anyway, I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to do, what I should do, what I musn't ever forget to do, etc. when I eventually reach "old age" which still looks a way off to me but will sneak up on me just like sugar spots on bananas! SO, I've made a little list, (I'm going to make copies, seal them in the safe and have my family mail them to me whenever they feel I've forgotten to remember....

1. Old people smell, but only because they are SURE they showered already....shower every time you think of it Helen, even if you think you already did. If someone tells you you "might enjoy" a nice bath GO TAKE ONE!!

2. Blue hair is something hairdressers invented to keep sweet little old ladies coming after their hair turns that beautiful silver color and they dont NEED a hairdresser anymore!

3. Buy new clothes! Just because something still fits doesn't mean it still "fits" if you know what I mean. Take your daughter with you and have her help you so you don't look like an idiot!

4. Don't stop cutting your toenails just because "they don't look that bad to you"....this is the time in your life when you should have a pedicure once a week just because. It doesn't hurt to be a little spoiled.

5. If people say you're getting too skinny don't think it's a compliment...EAT...anorexic old ladies are pitiful not to mention fragile!

6. Walk somewhere every day (besides the bathroom!), in complete workout gear (getting into the "gear" may be all the "workout" you need!)

7. If you can't drive anymore don't whine! Let someone else do the driving .... take a taxi (that's what little old ladies do), take a bus, take a friend (who can drive), but TAKE something. This world is to be explored, don't just stay at home watching "The Price is Right" (my grandma loved this show but to her credit she DID still leave the house).

8. Don't just send a card to your kids or grandkids on their birthday....send MONEY....You know you've got it, go find it! (Never give a teenager less than the price of a dozen roses at Valentine's day.....good rule of thumb!)

9. For heaven's sake don't stop baking just because it's easier to buy cookies at the store! If a grandchild comes over and has to eat storebought cookies at your house you deserve a good slap! (Yes, I'm talking to you Helen!)...Furthermore, if you KNOW they're coming over then ask them to help you make cookies and let them eat as much of the cookie dough as they want (they WONT get worms!)

10. If all else fails ask your daughters how you're doing....then TAKE their advice, let them be honest, and do what they tell you! (Except if they say "Please come live with us, really, it's no bother"....then just smile and say "Not in this lifetime honey!")

P.S. Helen you don't know any of the people in these pictures so don't keep asking people who they are!) Oh, and have a HAPPY day!