Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeee~

For the fifth time today I’ve answered the question "Do you feel any older?" the same way.........

"I don’t know , it’s so hard to really know how one feels when one is so totally
consumed with just getting through a day without breaking a hip."

Honestly, I don’t feel all that bad....even at my "advanced" age I can still feed myself, drive my own car, navigate a room without the use of a walker, and miracle of miracles----remember my own name on almost every occasion.

I thought I’d cheer myself up and relive a few accomplishments of the past year, let’s see now.....

Well......... there was that time last summer...... I won the Happiest Camper award when my outhouse (as in "mine at that particular moment") was picked up by a forklift and loaded on a truck....yup, I was one Happy Camper!

I became a grandma....I know, you might be saying "Well now sweetie, technically that’s not your accomplishment ....it’s your daughters’..... but I say......just try getting a baby without having a mother yourself!! (Never thought about it that way did you? I didn’t think so.) As I said.....major accomplishment!

I lost 26 pounds ... I think that’s right.....ummmm, let’s see now, .... 2 pounds X 13 times = Yup! 26 pounds! Move over Kirstie!!!

I gave up coloring my hair......now I just go ahead and color all of them.

I decided to spend the year coming to terms with my limited memory and now I just go with it and enjoy those little surprises each day.........."Oh my gosh, we have three children?!"

Oh yeah, I also became a devotee of Yoga........and, (not so) coincidentally, the hot tub!

All in all life at 51 isn't so bad and I guess I’ll just keep on living it in spite of all the anti-aging products out there (I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would want to stop aging at 25......I mean, and I totally might be missing something here but, wouldn’t that mean you died?)

Sure love ya!

For the love of a sport....

Last night we did our civic duty and attended the school board meeting where they held a public forum to discuss the possibility of adding soccer to the school's athletic program (junior high and high school level). What? You thought every school in America had soccer as an option....nope, this is Indiana...here we have a wide variety of sports.....it's just that they only include Football, Basketball and Baseball. Really the High School Football coach stood up and expressed his opinion that while "we may not have the broad variety of sports" we do have a very "in depth" athletic program which is unrivaled by other schools.

He went on to explain that this meant we have Football and Basketball from 6th through 12th grade AS WELL AS (I know, this is truly amazing) JR. VARSITY teams for each! He also said that instead of adding a new sport we should probably concentrate on adding more lockers to the Football locker room because many of the boys have to share a locker on game night (that's because we have the original team members and approximately FORTY FIVE bench sitters).

Truly it was frustrating to have to sit there on my hands and listen to a million and one reasons why the school could simply NOT consider adding soccer (we currently have 300 soccer players who play in an adjacent county because we can't play here) because there simply isn't enough interest.....and get this.....IF soccer were added it would take valuable players out of the other sports (I thought there wasn't any interest?!)

D3 plays soccer, she's played for several years now but will be entering High School next fall. At that time she is no longer eligible (due to age) to play in the league. Its a shame that these kids build up skill for 4 years and then have to just drop the sport because it isn't available at their school.

The school boards "decision" was that they would study what's been said and then "come up with something" but in the paper they were quoted as saying that it would be impossible to fund a new sport when so many other items are needed for the sports we currently have.....doesn't sound too promising......so to all 300 players....sorry, guess you'll have to learn to love Football (unless you're a GIRL of course!)

51 and just beginning the really hard work....

Okay, technically I'm still only 50 but I'll be 51 soon and I'm slowly working my brain around the number so it doesn't come as a shock when it really gets here.



I've been reading Bob Greene's Best Life book, as well as Dr. Oz's (I love that guy!) book.."You, on a Diet!" No matter how hard I try I just can't fool myself any longer. Oprah and I have a lot in common.....you wouldn't think so would you.....I mean she's a gazillionaire and I'm secretary to my husband, she's famous, I"m.....well, Not!, she's wise and in touch with her inner self and I'm struggling to understand even the tiniest things about myself but....what we really have in common (I've learned from these two books) is that we both have emotional "issues" that we solve by eating. According to my good friends "Bob" and "Mehmet" there's a lot of hard work ahead of me if I ever want to understand my never ending weight issues.



About 6 years ago I thought I'd gone to heaven when I lost 58 pounds in 6 months going from my all-time lifetime high of 178 pounds (yes, that was on my 5'4" frame), to 120 pounds. I thought life had begun for me at last and I vowed never to revisit that "me" again. Over these 6 years I've learned a few things:



1. I am TOTALLY able to continue a regular daily (except for Sunday) exercise program....I don't like it exactly but I'm able to be committed and steady. I never miss my workouts unless I'm just physically in a place where I can't do it.....i.e. an airplane!



2. I still have food issues. I've steadily, albeit slowly, regained and lost pounds over and over again for the past 6 years. I currently weigh in at 150 pounds which is so frighteningly close to my REALLY FAT self that I can see her lurking around the corner. I can honestly say I havent' willingly looked in a mirror, (or at my reflection in a window!) in over a year, I just can't face myself.



3. This is the important realization......I still have NO idea what those issues are!



According to Bob I'm self-medicating, or using food to fill some empty space inside, or using food to push down some emotion I don't want to feel, or filling some need with food that could be filled in another way.....okay, then what is it and how do I find this out?



I've thought about when I eat....generally it's when I'm upset, nervous, jealous, or angry. Why I turn to food I have no idea unless it's simply that I haven't learned any other way to deal with those emotions. Come to think of it, those emotions are the ones I've tried to conquer appropriately my whole life.



My mother-in-law told me that my sister-in-law had been "starving herself" and was now so thin that we wouldn't recognize her.....I went home and ate a bowl of ice cream. My husband went on a diet to reduce his blood sugar and cholesterol and lost A LOT of weight in a relatively short time......I quit eating good food, stopped counting calories and simply gave up my formerly good eating habits entirely, when money is tight I eat, when I feel lonely I try a new recipe, when I'm worried about my children I want nothing but chocolate.



It seems like I have a good handle on when I eat but I have no idea why food has become the answer for me. I also have no idea how to handle those feelings more appropriately. When I lost the weight before I ate one salad a day....approximately 300 calories.....and NOTHING else except water from April to September. I also ended up in the hospital, my hair fell out, and I couldnt' sleep at night......somehow I don't think that was totally the way to do it and frankly I don't want to try it anyway..... it was painful.



This blog was started over a year ago as a "creative" outlet for me....somewhere for me to write down the humorous happenings in my life, since that time (sorry to those of you who were ...at least moderately entertained) I've felt the humor slowly disappear, most days are filled with anxiety of one sort or another....some imagined, some self-inflicted, some simply unavoidable ......



I'm not sure what the answer is but I know I'm tired of the struggle. I hate what my life has become.....a minute by minute struggle with food. You know what really bothers me? That old saying...."You are what you think about"......Perfect!....that makes me "The fat old slice of chocolate cake covered in ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top"!

What I've learned from a college student....

This past four days I've been lucky enough to be in Rexburg Idaho with "Tiny" ....as her guest for Mom's Weekend at BYU. At 50 I'm living the life of a college student. I have been so impressed with these girls. Their home is filled with the spirit. There are reminders in every room and on every wall of the divinity that is within each of them.

I have thought so much about what a special experience they are having here. How different it is from the world's view of what a college girl's life is like. There are no conflicts in this home over parties that go on too long into the night or roommates that invite boys to spend the night thus making the other girls feel uncomfortable. There is no question about what movies will be viewed or what music is appropriate. Their dress is always modest and ....to be honest....beautiful. The young man who dates these girls is expected to be everything good and virtuous. The attitude here is that "I should be able to date someone who has lived his life the way I have....with integrity, purity and honor"

I wish every girl could experience the happiness that comes to these girls from living their lives in harmony with God's laws. They take what they have been given and magnify it, they reach out to love others, they spread happiness and goodness, they truly can change the world....I am so happy and proud that my Daughter is here.

I watched the special on TV the other day about Oprah's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa. I thought often as I watched the program about the standards they are expected to keep and the reasons given....because by learning to live good, virtuous, worthy lives they will be able to move out into the world someday and make a difference. That is what the girls in the church have been taught all their lives, to be different, to be unique, to stand out .... even to stand apart when necessary, but always to stand above the base and crude, and to to make a difference.....every day.

This is truth....goodness and light begets goodness and light. I am not a college student, but I can make a difference by the way I choose to live my life. I can work hard with integrity, I can provide for myself never expecting the government to sustain me. I can raise my children to Love .....the Lord, others and of course themselves. I can be positive and happy, I can try to speak kindly and reach out to those who have need of help, I can choose my words carefully trying to uplift and encourage.....

Yes, there's a lot to be learned from these girls.....they are......WONDERFUL!!