I spent the day with a dear friend on Saturday. She's a recovering alcoholic and has just achieved four years of sobriety. I am so proud of her. It was good to be there with her and feel her spirit and truly to learn from her. It was a strong testimony to me of how we never really know what people are going through in their lives. We judge others so quickly and so casually without having any clue of what could be happening in their minds and hearts or what struggles they could be dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I am so proud of her!
One of the things she asked me when I was there was "Have you blogged lately?"... I'm sure I sounded quite the mean person when I said "No, and don't pressure me!" I don't know why something like blogging every became a pressure but for the past few months it's seemed like a dagger hanging over my head. Something I feel guilty for not doing .... which is wierd since I started it as a cathartic way to put down thoughts and feelings. It used to be fun and pleasant.
Anyway, as I tried to defend my position I realized that the only reason, the ONLY reason, I haven't been blogging is because my life is so centered on one thing right now......my relationship with my Heavenly Father. It became clear to me as I started teaching Seminary that I needed help, and lots of it, from Him. I am no Bible scholar, in fact it could honestly have been said of me that "she doesn't even really like the Old Testament" let alone feel knowledgeable enough to teach it to a room full of teenagers.
With that discovery came deep humility borne of desperation as I came to know that I couldn't possibly read the Old Testament and hope to understand it on my own, I need daily prayer and of course I most desperately need my Heavenly Father's inspiring guidance as I try to teach.
That brings me back to the original question "Why aren't I blogging?" .... quite simply because the things my mind is most often occupied with I'm afraid will be boring to whoever reads this silly little page of mine. As of today though, I'm going to write for me.....as I originally intended. These thoughts of mine may not be entertaining to anyone but I hope they are enlightening to me as I try to sort through all my impressions, emotions, my ups, my downs, my mind's crazy wanderings....and wonderings.
Perhaps I'll remove the dagger from it's precipitous position above my head and feel free once more.....
1 comment:
Good! I am glad you will be writing again. I wonder sometimes why I blog...I guess I use it as a sort of journal for myself, that friends and family can see!
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