Is life too short?

Good question.... My mother-in-law called me this morning sad and terribly upset because they have called in hospice for her mother who is in a nursing home. "Great Grandma" is going to be 93 on the 24th of this month!!!!! She has been in the nursing home for the past 5 years. Amazingly enough she has done pretty well considering she has advanced Alzheimer's.

Aaaahhh the "blessings" of a disease such as this. I know it can be so traumatic for some families but in Great Grandma's case it didn't present a problem until she was well into her 80's and since being in the nursing home it has been sort of a good thing. Many times Grandma thinks she's on a cruise (if you think about it all those long hallways with rooms on either side do kind of look like a ship's passageway), when we'd ask if she was eating her vegetables she'd smile and say "Oh, yes, they're feeding you all the time on these trips! The food is so good!"....no complaining about the fact that a meal of pureed grilled cheese, tomato soup, and red velvet cake results in three compartments of relatively the same texture and color sitting in front of you at dinner.

Overall she has seemed to tolerate her time there well, due, I'm sure in part, to the fact that time is pretty meaningless given her state of mind. She is able to carry on a conversation and especially likes to tell us about her younger life. We play games with her trying to get her to tell us the name of every dog she owned or the first boyfriend she ever had. Once we asked her if she fell in love with Grandpa when she first saw him and she actually blushed! I don't think she has suffered too greatly although I'm sure there are times when she is lonely. A few times she has asked us to take her home (when she remembers she's not there), or to please come and visit more (we only see her a couple of times a month) but overall she seems content and just happy to have visitors.

We will miss her of course and I worry most about her daughter (my mother in law).....can a daughter ever say goodbye to her mom without worry about how she'll get along without her? I'm thankful to know that when Great Grandma does leave she will also leave this crippled useless body that has held her prisoner for far too long and return to that man she loves ... the one whose memory can make her blush at the tender age of 93.

Sometimes maybe life isn't too short at all.....sometime, I'm sure I'll feel like I imagine she does....that it's entirely too long. We love you Grandma!

A wonderful experience

Per my last post, I'm simply blogging because I feel the need to put down on "paper" (cyber paper though it may be) thoughts that seem to important to let slip by unmentioned....

Saturday evening I was the "chaperone" for a youth activity. The purpose of said activity was to create a video that would be shared next Saturday at a Stakewide meeting. No real direction was given other than that....create a video to share with the rest of the Stake at next week's "Movie Night".

That leaves a lot to the discretion of the youth and they went at it with a vengeance. Wierd costumes came out of closets...I think we had a Fairy Princess dress, a "Great Pumpkin" costume (adult size), two swords, two cheerleader outfits complete with pom-poms (most cheer squads don't even use those anymore, and absolutely no idea for a script.

After almost an hour they came up with an idea "The Thirteen Articles of Our Ward" and a list on the chalkboard of things like:
1. We believe in having fun.
2. We believe in paying attention.
3. We believe in service.
4. We believe in eating at every activity.

then the list got worse:
5. We believe in sleeping through Seminary
6. We believe in choosing the wrong.

As the list got longer (I didn't put all the things here) there was a great deal of contention (only LDS people use this word but it means they were arguing, pouting, yelling, and generally behaving badly).

Without a single prompt from either of the two adults present my Seminary Class President stood up, made everyone be quiet and pointed out what a terrible atmosphere had developed in the room. He reminded them that they were there to create something worth sharing and then said "We didn't even begin with prayer, I think we should have one now, before we go any further". He said a beautiful prayer, the spirit in the room instantly changed and the video they decided to make was one in which each of them introduced themselves (we have recently changed stakes so the youth of this stake barely know us) told a little bit about themselves and then bore their testimony if they felt inclined. Before they did all this the Class President made a little statement (on the video) about what they had learned and how the prayer had made a difference in their attitude and then he explained they were simply going to use this opportunity to let the other Youth of the Stake know who we are.

It was a beautiful transformation from a group of "teenagers" into a group of "young adults", I was so pleased to have been there to see them struggle and then find the answer....the right answer.....to their problem. They found a way to turn a bad situation into a beautiful experience and I was never prouder of them in my life.

They truly exemplify Youth of the Noble Birthright!

P.S. Today in testimony meeting ten of those youth rose as a group and walked to the front to bear their testimony of what they had experienced last night. I've never left a testimony meeting that was more spiritual and uplifting than the one we had today!

I guess I'll blog about....

I spent the day with a dear friend on Saturday. She's a recovering alcoholic and has just achieved four years of sobriety. I am so proud of her. It was good to be there with her and feel her spirit and truly to learn from her. It was a strong testimony to me of how we never really know what people are going through in their lives. We judge others so quickly and so casually without having any clue of what could be happening in their minds and hearts or what struggles they could be dealing with on a minute by minute basis. I am so proud of her!

One of the things she asked me when I was there was "Have you blogged lately?"... I'm sure I sounded quite the mean person when I said "No, and don't pressure me!" I don't know why something like blogging every became a pressure but for the past few months it's seemed like a dagger hanging over my head. Something I feel guilty for not doing .... which is wierd since I started it as a cathartic way to put down thoughts and feelings. It used to be fun and pleasant.

Anyway, as I tried to defend my position I realized that the only reason, the ONLY reason, I haven't been blogging is because my life is so centered on one thing right now......my relationship with my Heavenly Father. It became clear to me as I started teaching Seminary that I needed help, and lots of it, from Him. I am no Bible scholar, in fact it could honestly have been said of me that "she doesn't even really like the Old Testament" let alone feel knowledgeable enough to teach it to a room full of teenagers.

With that discovery came deep humility borne of desperation as I came to know that I couldn't possibly read the Old Testament and hope to understand it on my own, I need daily prayer and of course I most desperately need my Heavenly Father's inspiring guidance as I try to teach.

That brings me back to the original question "Why aren't I blogging?" .... quite simply because the things my mind is most often occupied with I'm afraid will be boring to whoever reads this silly little page of mine. As of today though, I'm going to write for me.....as I originally intended. These thoughts of mine may not be entertaining to anyone but I hope they are enlightening to me as I try to sort through all my impressions, emotions, my ups, my downs, my mind's crazy wanderings....and wonderings.

Perhaps I'll remove the dagger from it's precipitous position above my head and feel free once more.....