Have you ever been inspired....

(I feel like the next line should be "do you wiggle to and fro...do your ears haaaaang low!) Okay, enough of that silliness...

I heard an author interviewed on the radio yesterday and my mind has been skipping along thinking about all he said. I know I'm usually ten steps behind the rest of the human race so many of you may have already heard that Will Bowen is out to change the world one person at a time. His website http://www.acomplaintfreeworld.org/ explains his idea and gives you a good overview of the program.

Basically he believes that if we each became more positive in our thoughts, i.e. not complaining, gossiping, fault-finding, criticizing, etc....the world would be a better place. How can you argue with that beautiful thought?

I, myself, am a big complainer. I complain about the weather, I whine about my weight, I've been known to criticize my husband and nag my daughters....nothing positive in any of that. Mr. Bowen has the answer to my problem.....how to stay focused for more than two hours at a time in my effort to become a better me.

On the website he sells bracelets stamped with the slogan "A Complaint Free World". Assuming that, as modern behavior analysts have said, we can change a habit in 21 days, here are Mr. Bowen's instructions:

Begin to wear the bracelet, on either wrist. When you catch yourself
complaining, gossiping or criticizing (it’s ok, everyone does) move the bracelet to the other arm and begin again. If you hear someone else who is wearing a bracelet complain, you may point out their need to switch the bracelet to the
other arm; BUT if you’re going to do this, you must move your bracelet first! Stay with it.

It may take many months but when you reach 21 days without having to move the bracelet you will find that your entire life is happier, more loving and more enjoyable.

I love, love, love this idea. You can order the bracelets fairly cheaply, or he even offers up to three per household at no charge at all....that's how committed he is to changing the world.

I want to be part of a better world ... I'm committed to this. If you love this idea add it to your blog and pass the word along. Here are some more inspiring words from his website:

“Complaining is not to be confused with informing someone of a mistake or deficiency so that it can be put right. And to refrain from complaining doesn’t necessarily mean putting up with bad quality or behavior. There is no ego in telling the waiter your soup is cold and needs to be heated up—if you stick to the facts, which are always neutral. ‘How dare you serve me cold soup…?’ That’s complaining.”—Eckhart Tolle, “A New Earth”

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change your attitude; Don't Complain." -Maya Angelou

Time to Kill or What to do with the next several hours....

Okay my lame little "I love this or that " blogs have been TOTALLY outdone by this website! It's so much fun.....someone with way more time than me has already found all the cool stuff and put it on her blog! Check it out (no, it's okay really, I don't mind.....sniff)

www.rarebirdfinds.typepad.com

Kudos to "Tiny" for finding this (HEYYYYY Wait a minute.....how does she find time to surf the net when she's in college?!!!)

Wow! I love this stuff Wednesday!

QUITE some time ago I had a weekly blog entry called "Things I love Thursday". Well, with the onset of my new calling as Seminary teacher I can hardly find time to blog once a week and I certainly can't begin to plan when that day will be! (To all of you Seminary teachers out there ....I admit it, I'm a dismal failure in the competency department! It takes me hours to get ready!)

Aaaanywaaaay.....here are some new "Things I love"....!

DID YOU KNOW?

That this handy little gadget measures exactly two tablespoons? (And you thought it was only for cookies or giant melon balls!) Why would you need one you ask? Well to measure things like HONEY, MOLASSES, even CRISCO or PEANUT BUTTER! They are notoriously messy to measure and this makes it so EASY!!!! (By the way there are 8 of these in a cup, 4 in a half cup, and 2 in one-quarter cup!)

And while we're at it this one (at least mine...you may have to check yours) measures exactly 1/3 cup! (I know some are 1/2 cup capacity). Trust me I NEVER measure Crisco in a cup anymore! I used to line a measuring cup with saran wrap so it would come out easier but this is even better....no spooning (or knifing) the stuff into the cup you know?

Next on the list......because I'm LDS I don't drink coffee but I do like a good cup of Pero (my daughter prefers Postum) now and then. Sometimes I make it taste like dessert....I add the creamer and then pumpkin pie spice or 2 tablespoons of hot cocoa mix but I discovered THIS at Walmart the other day ....EGGNOG Flavored Coffee Creamer......and it is YUMMY!!!

They also had Gingerbread and Peppermint but I haven't tried them yet.....if you have let me know!

Have a great week!

Sure Love Ya!

What I learned in Seminary Toooodaaaaay!

I learned Never, Ever, under any circumstances finish the lesson and

Let

Your Students

Beat you

To the Parking Lot.....!

(And let me mention .....being a 52 year old woman driving a car that says I love Mormon Boys certainly gives one cause to pray for heavy fog!)

Gotta Luv Those Kids!!!

Pay It Forward Meme

I've requested something, so:

Pay It Forward:

I will send a handmade (or internet) gift to the first 3 people who leave a comment here on my blog. I don’t know what that gift will be yet, but you will receive it within 365 days. The only thing you have to do in return is "pay it forward" by making a similar agreement on your blog.I will either:
1. Make and mail to you within 12 months a physical object of my choice.
2. Write out in a style of my choosing (journal style, poem, spy novel, fairy tale, whatever) a memory of the two of us together.

Thanks to The Pink Factor for this great opportunity!

Challenges come with blessing attached!

Well I could be talking about Seminary....it IS a lot of work but I LOVE it! I hesitate to even say that because every time I've LOVED a calling something happens and I get moved! Oh well I can't help myself.....I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!!

What I really meant by challenge was my new exercise regimen. I had to totally revamp my routine since I can no longer exercise a) at home before Seminary, or b) in the gym while I'm waiting for D3 to get out of Seminary. Soooooo...I decided I had to try something new and different than what I'm used to and that means running. I am NOT a runner. I HATE running, I don't like gasping for air. BUT.......when I went to Girls Camp this spring I tented with two leaders who had taken up running, both of them had been regular exercisers just like me but once they started running they won the weight battle........that's what I want....VICTORY, SWEET VICTORY!

Anyway, I started last Thursday and I've been running 2.5 miles every morning (I know it's only 4 days ....I don't run on Sunday.....but for me this is a breakthrough of gargantuan proportions!). Next week I'll try to make it 3 and eventually work up to 5 every day. I've done it before on the treadmill but real running is SO different! Anyway I am quite proud of myself because 1) I'm not dead, and 2) there's a blessing with this challenge and I've discovered it!

I don't think I ever really appreciated the setting I live in until I started running the 1/2 mile circuit on our driveway........frankly how could you NOT enjoy this:

AAAAAAHHH The Beauty of Nature! (Almost makes me forget my thighs are rubbing together!) : )

Cheat blogging....

Okay right now after only one actual day of being Seminary teacher my face looks like this:

My Brain looks like this:

"I don't know......Abby someone.......oh yes, Abby Normal!"

And my desk looks like this!:

We can only hope things improve.....quickly!
Until then I thank my dear friend Penny for her answer to all my problems! Read on.....

In this life I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come
back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but
sleep for six months. I could deal with

with
that.Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal
with that, too.When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the
size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly
cubs. I could definitely deal with that.If you're mama bear, everyone knows you
mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of
line, you swat them, too. I could deal with that.If you're a bear, your mate
EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and
excess body fat.Yup, gonna be a bear!

I'm just a little happy-sad

I messed with my blog yesterday and broke it.....I think I fixed it now but given my current state of sleep deprivation I can't really be sure. Yesterday was the sad part of my happy-sad experience. I had to say goodbye to Tiny, Nutella and, our favorite granddaugter (just so you don't think I'm a terrible grandma I have to note she's our ONLY granddaugter as yet).

We had just the most wonderful 4 days with them, what beautiful girls they all are! It did my heart so much good to see all three of my daughters together and find that they really are good friends as well as good people! They made me laugh........a lot, cry.........a little, and enjoy the visit....totally! I am a lucky mom!

HH left this morning at 4:00 for another fire and I was awakened at 3:30 when his alarm went off....no sense going back to bed since I'd have to get up at 4:30 for Seminary......Yawn! I'm TIRED!

Yesterday I got a call informing me that I'll be the new Seminary teacher beginning.....NEXT MONDAY!!! I'm more than a little scared. I've substituted before and I really like Seminary but still it's pretty scary to think you're responsible for an entire year of instruction for 12 sleepy teenagers at 6:00 each morning. I'm sure the real panic has yet to set in.....if you have any extra prayers please say them for me.

Yesterday was D3's birthday, she turned 15. Just another element of my happy-sad day.
On top of all these things, I find that when HH left he took with him the file with most of the pictures we had taken while the girls were here.....no posting those for a while I guess!

After all the crying was over last night I pondered again the question I've asked myself at least 100 times over the years. Do the happy mom moments outweigh the sad ones.....? I've loved every minute of raising my girls, they have been wonderful...... but when they grow up and move away.......... frankly it hurts a little!!!

Obviously my blue funk hasn't improved with only 5 hours of sleep last night.....I'm going to go sleep it off...... see you tomorrow!

Just ask for help if you can't do it.....

I hope you enjoy this as much as I did....the 911 operator is great with this little boy! (Can't say the same with his mom! : )

Senility...my old friend...it's good to see you again!

Oh gosh I had the worst experience of my life....well maybe the worst of my day....it went something like this:

After a long and busy day I decided to double-task (I'm not quite up to multi-task level yet) and brush my teeth while checking my e-mail before bed. I have one of those high tech electric toothbrushes (the dentist talked me into it) ......anyway I was reading and brushing and after the 2 minute cycle was up the toothbrush shut off but I wasn't done reading so I restarted it (I guess so I'd have something to do while reading (wierd).

Anyway a few seconds later, I got up, went into the bathroom to rinse and spit, and the toothbrush wouldn't shut off. The problem being that you can't take it out of your mouth until it stops or it will fling toothpaste hither and yon (trust me, I know!). I kept pushing the button, pushing the button, it just wouldn't go off (I had visions of brushing my teeth to smooth little stubs).

About the time I was ready to give in to the urge to swear I noticed that the button I was pushing wasn't the button.............it was the light switch!!!! I KNOW!!!! HOW can a person confuse a switch on the wall with a button on a toothbrush.........I have no idea!!! My synapses are obviously hopelessly tangled......

The really wierd thing is it didn't even register that the light was going off an on....this is SO terribly SAD!!!!

Enough laughing at me.....check out this lady's predicament (and thanks to The Pink Factor for providing comic relief) At least my embarrassment was entirely my own....not a witness in sight!

Sure love ya!

MY SHIP HAS COME IN!!!!!

Well, I must say, it’s been a pretty productive day so far. I probably shouldn’t be telling you (my two fans) this (I know I can count on you to keep my secret)...... today I’ll become a millionaire....perhaps with careful investment even a billionaire! Yes, today my ship, so to speak, came in.

I opened my e-mail and Mr. Frank Otto a VERY senior employee of the Department of Mineral and Energy Resources of South Africa( SOUTH AFRICA....Everyone knows about South Africa....ask Ms. South Carolina!) , wrote to ask my help in redeeming an investment interest. Apparently his client.....is currently missing, so very sad really. He has a sizeable sum of money coming to him and since they have been unable to locate him (despite their repeated extensive attempts) to send the vast amount of cash and other holdings to which he is entitled, they have contacted me..... Amazing though it may seem, we have the same last name and they presume we are, therefore, the "next of kin" to Mr. Nelson insert applicable surname here".

In addition I have also been notified that I have access to many important drugs to enhance my sex life " at such a reduced price I would have to be stupid to pass up this important opportunity" after all "once the women at work find out I’m taking this drug they will all be HOT for me" (.....actually since I’m a girl I’m not sure why I want other women HOT for me but the e-mails promise me joy and happiness if I order in the next 24 hours).

As if all this happy news weren’t enough, I received a "blessing’ from one Raj Darfur (no kidding) who promised me health, wealth, and never ending happiness (I mean NEVER ENDING!!!!) if I would pass along the e-mail address of 23 of my dearest friends (no matter how tempted I am I must not send more....these blessings are only for me and my very closest friends and nothing to trifle with) .......of course each of them will have the opportunity to receive the same "blessing"

Hmmmmm.....one simply must wonder if part of the blessing includes numerous e-mails from total strangers with opportunities to sit at home doing nothing...."Working each day in your robe and slippers" and earning money beyond your wildest dreams! Did you KNOW George and Jenny Partridge used to worry about how to pay their light bill but now they have three homes, a private jet, and invitations to have cocktails with the rich and famous!

I do hope your day is filled with as much good fortune as mine.
Many Blessings to You!!!!

(Keep checking your e-mail, maybe today is YOUR day!)

Public Outrage Ensues (at least at my house)...

Yesterday I was all about positive today, well....I'm sure I'm sending out some angry vibes. Where do I begin...

First of all Daughter #3 can't take driver's education at school any more....the school cut the funding for this "non-essential" program. Now she will be taking the class at a private driving academy 20 miles away. Oh, and have I mentioned (Yeah, I have.... "For the Love of a Sport" ) that her High School has decided they can't possibly fund a sport like ..........soccer, because they already have sports like....football. (UH......they're completely different!)

Then today we hear from one of D3's friends (a cheerleader) that because the school principle finds the cheer squad lacks uniformity, the school will be hiring a professional stylist to come to the school early on Fridays (game day) to do the hair and makeup of the cheerleaders....all 13 of them!!! AAAAAANNNNNNDDDDD the school will be renting 2 (that's TWO) black convertibles to drive the girls around the track and onto the field at home games. You have GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!

Okay, Now I'm really going to have to find the duct tape, my head is going to explode!!!!

Law of Attraction 102

I have XM radio in my car.... (aka my home away from home). Frequently I listen to the "Oprah and Friends" channel. My favorites are Dr. Oz and Bob Greene but I listen to others occasionally. All summer long Oprah has had "The Summer Soul Series" as her show. She interviews authors, ministers, spiritualists etc. Most of it is just a little bit "out there" for me but sometimes I think it's interesting how closely their theories parallel what I've experienced in my life.



This week she's been featuring "The Law of Attraction" which in simple terms has something to do with your vibrations creating like vibrations around you i.e. if you're in a bad mood pretty soon everyone around you will be too, either because you cause them to be, or because only other people in a bad mood want to share your space : ) The way they explain it is too "other-worldly" for me but I guess I've noticed in my life that sometimes things do appear to fall into this pattern.



For instance Oprah said that when she journals she used to spend every day outlining all the problems and disappointments of her day but then she intereviewed a guest on her show that said if she just made one change and instead of writing negative things she wrote what she was grateful for her life would change for the better. She now makes it a point every night to write a list of 5 things she was grateful for during that particular day.

I've tried this myself, in many different ways....one of them was just like Oprah, always expressing gratitude each day for the blessings in my life.....I don't always write them down but I sure do express them....to the person to whom I owe that gratitude....my Heavenly Father/. It has made me realize how much I have. Because of that I believe I've become happier and more content. Where I used to worry about lack of money, lack of friends, lack of recognition, lack of fulfillment I find I hardly ever have those feelings anymore because I really do feel I live a life of abundance.

Positive thinking/speaking proved to be extremely powerful in my life when my first husband and I divorced. Because I had a very young daughter in my home I didn't want her to ever hear me speaking negatively about her daddy. I tried to remain positive about his love for her and his many good qualities and leave whatever personal complaints I had unspoken.

I'm sure I wasn't always perfect at it but I have observed over the course of the last 30 years or so that most of the people I associate with who are divorced spend so much time complaining about their ex, or reliving their disappointments, or re-telling all the details of the hurts and pain inflicted that they NEVER regain any measure of happiness in their lives. In several of those cases, when they remarried, that marriage failed too. I don't know if that is law of attraction but it does seem to bear out the theory that whatever you give your focus to is going to inevitably grow and become bigger.



In keeping with THAT idea I vow from this day forward to quit talking about my big butt and flabby thighs! (I certainly don't need my focusing on them makin' them any darn bigger!)



Sending good vibrations your way!

Pillow Talk

Funny that I wrote this blog last week and never posted it. This morning Nutella re-opened her blog and reminded me I had actually written something….might as well keep up with her (she’s so often my inspiration to do things…..read, blog, cry….).


One of the few pleasures (among the weeks of boredom) that comes with a summer of HH being gone on fires is that I get to relive the joys of sleepovers…..EVERY night!!! No I don’t invite all my “over 50” girlfriends to bring their jammies to my house. I just have one special friend…..my youngest daughter. She has made it her personal mission to keep me from being lonely (or getting any sleep before midnight) while her daddy’s gone. She sleeps with me.....each and every night..….let me tell you a queen sized bed is not NEARLY big enough to share with a 14 year old!

It amazes me that once we turn out the lights….or rather once I turn out the lights (she refuses to get up once her side of the bed is warm), she thinks of a million conversations we should have. There’s lots of laughing, cover snatching and “middle of the bed line-wars). As sleep deprived as I am, I enjoy this time immensely and I’m trying to store up these memories for the day when she goes off to college and I’m REALLY alone!

A couple of nights ago she was pretty entertained by the terms I used when I was a teenager:

-Cool: Obviously still in use and much the same meaning.

-Groovy: Yup we really did say that!

-Bush: Nothing to do with a President….just something we used to describe the “interesting” things in life i.e. “Wow, that dress is so bush!” Go Figure….

-Neat: Also still in use but mostly by tweens.

-Far Out: As in “Man, your room is so far out!”

-Peace: "Hello", "goodbye", "I love you", "You're cute", "See ya later".....a very versatile word! (I had one teacher who forbade the Peace sign in his classroom....he considered it vulgar and controversial.....

-Tuff: Back then we didn’t have “Hot” guys, we had Tuff ones!

-Fuzz: Weird but we called policemen “the fuzz”….

-Oh guy: I don’t know why but this is what we said instead of “Oh gosh”

-Melvin: What we called the “dorks” "He's such a Melvin!"

-Boss: Wow he is so boss! (just another word for “Hot”)

Her conclusion? Mom, you were so totally retarded! (as in Mom, you are NOT Far Out!)

And this? My dream Hairstyle when I was in High School.....Boss, huh!!!

The Written Word...

I had forgotten how much I enjoy, really enjoy a good book. Until the past year it had been SEVERAL years since I sat down to read anything except my scriptures, or self-help books (how sad is that!). It seemed like I just got out of the habit of reading just for the joy of reading.

Nutella got me started again when she began telling me about books she was reading with her book club, the more she told me the more I wanted to read what she had read ...... I am so grateful to her for helping me rekindle my love of this cheap, easy, totally indulgent form of entertainment!

Thanks to her I've discovered:

1. She, my middle daughter "Tiny", and I have opened up a wonderful new connection....it's like our own little book club, I enjoy hearing their thoughts on what we read and finding out what really great people they both are. It keeps me from talking to them only as "mom" ....it's been so much fun!

2. There are actually books out there that I can't put down! When I read "The Thirteenth Tale" I stayed up till 2:00 in the morning reading! (I haven't stayed up that late since HH and I were dating......unless I was waiting for a child to come home from Prom).

3. There is value in escaping into a world outside the one I see each day. I've gained new perspectives on so many things.....how had I forgotten that these things can happen?

4. There's a much better, much more entertaining way to spend my evenings than watching television or movies! My own imagination is so much better than I remembered.


Some of my favorites this summer have been:

1. The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield
2. The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
3. The Persian Pickle Club by Sandra Dallas
4. The last of Harry Potter..... : ) (I'm not done with it yet but I've loved it)

My only regret of the summer is that I've not been able to come up with one good book on my own. My forays into the shelves have brought me disappointment at every turn. It seems I'm doomed to read only those books which come highly recommended by one of my daughters who preview them for too much sex, violence or language.

No matter though.....I'm loving this re-entry into the world of books! I don't know how I went so long without it!

P.S. Feel free to send me all your suggestions for a perfect read!

Sure Love Ya!

Aaaahhhh for fan mail!

Today I got a nice little e-mail from Amazed asking where I'd gone....I feel so guilty! And Ashamed! I've been avoiding my blog. In fact I talked about it to DH not two weeks ago. I told him I worry about not blogging.



His advice: "Stop making a production out of it" Blogs don't have to be witty (really?), entertaining (For sure?), or Profound (I'm not sure I'm buying this)......they're for you, just write what you feel and don't make a big deal out of it.



Well, let me honestly say that having lurked on many sites that were witty, entertaining AND profound, the pressure just gets to me. My life is honestly nothing short of boring on most days. A little housecleaning, the occasional book, a soccer game now and then, church, eating and sleeping.....that's it for 90 percent of my days. (I'd like to think the other 10% is actually consumed with something meaningful so God will give me credit for 10% of my time).



So there you have it. I'm here, not dead (though the above description makes it sound like I'm close to it), just not inspired.



I'm leaving on vacation in two days to go see my BEAUTIFUL grandaughter and her equally beautiful parents. Need I mention that I'm driving alone because DH is currently on a forest fire in Florida? Technically I'm not driving alone....just "driving" alone. I'll have two 14 year old girls in the back seat the whole 15 hour drive......I'm just assuming they won't be talking to me : )



I'm sure the trip will provide blog fodder of one sort or another. In the meantime thanks to "Amazed" for the nudge!

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeee~

For the fifth time today I’ve answered the question "Do you feel any older?" the same way.........

"I don’t know , it’s so hard to really know how one feels when one is so totally
consumed with just getting through a day without breaking a hip."

Honestly, I don’t feel all that bad....even at my "advanced" age I can still feed myself, drive my own car, navigate a room without the use of a walker, and miracle of miracles----remember my own name on almost every occasion.

I thought I’d cheer myself up and relive a few accomplishments of the past year, let’s see now.....

Well......... there was that time last summer...... I won the Happiest Camper award when my outhouse (as in "mine at that particular moment") was picked up by a forklift and loaded on a truck....yup, I was one Happy Camper!

I became a grandma....I know, you might be saying "Well now sweetie, technically that’s not your accomplishment ....it’s your daughters’..... but I say......just try getting a baby without having a mother yourself!! (Never thought about it that way did you? I didn’t think so.) As I said.....major accomplishment!

I lost 26 pounds ... I think that’s right.....ummmm, let’s see now, .... 2 pounds X 13 times = Yup! 26 pounds! Move over Kirstie!!!

I gave up coloring my hair......now I just go ahead and color all of them.

I decided to spend the year coming to terms with my limited memory and now I just go with it and enjoy those little surprises each day.........."Oh my gosh, we have three children?!"

Oh yeah, I also became a devotee of Yoga........and, (not so) coincidentally, the hot tub!

All in all life at 51 isn't so bad and I guess I’ll just keep on living it in spite of all the anti-aging products out there (I can’t for the life of me figure out why someone would want to stop aging at 25......I mean, and I totally might be missing something here but, wouldn’t that mean you died?)

Sure love ya!

For the love of a sport....

Last night we did our civic duty and attended the school board meeting where they held a public forum to discuss the possibility of adding soccer to the school's athletic program (junior high and high school level). What? You thought every school in America had soccer as an option....nope, this is Indiana...here we have a wide variety of sports.....it's just that they only include Football, Basketball and Baseball. Really the High School Football coach stood up and expressed his opinion that while "we may not have the broad variety of sports" we do have a very "in depth" athletic program which is unrivaled by other schools.

He went on to explain that this meant we have Football and Basketball from 6th through 12th grade AS WELL AS (I know, this is truly amazing) JR. VARSITY teams for each! He also said that instead of adding a new sport we should probably concentrate on adding more lockers to the Football locker room because many of the boys have to share a locker on game night (that's because we have the original team members and approximately FORTY FIVE bench sitters).

Truly it was frustrating to have to sit there on my hands and listen to a million and one reasons why the school could simply NOT consider adding soccer (we currently have 300 soccer players who play in an adjacent county because we can't play here) because there simply isn't enough interest.....and get this.....IF soccer were added it would take valuable players out of the other sports (I thought there wasn't any interest?!)

D3 plays soccer, she's played for several years now but will be entering High School next fall. At that time she is no longer eligible (due to age) to play in the league. Its a shame that these kids build up skill for 4 years and then have to just drop the sport because it isn't available at their school.

The school boards "decision" was that they would study what's been said and then "come up with something" but in the paper they were quoted as saying that it would be impossible to fund a new sport when so many other items are needed for the sports we currently have.....doesn't sound too promising......so to all 300 players....sorry, guess you'll have to learn to love Football (unless you're a GIRL of course!)

51 and just beginning the really hard work....

Okay, technically I'm still only 50 but I'll be 51 soon and I'm slowly working my brain around the number so it doesn't come as a shock when it really gets here.



I've been reading Bob Greene's Best Life book, as well as Dr. Oz's (I love that guy!) book.."You, on a Diet!" No matter how hard I try I just can't fool myself any longer. Oprah and I have a lot in common.....you wouldn't think so would you.....I mean she's a gazillionaire and I'm secretary to my husband, she's famous, I"m.....well, Not!, she's wise and in touch with her inner self and I'm struggling to understand even the tiniest things about myself but....what we really have in common (I've learned from these two books) is that we both have emotional "issues" that we solve by eating. According to my good friends "Bob" and "Mehmet" there's a lot of hard work ahead of me if I ever want to understand my never ending weight issues.



About 6 years ago I thought I'd gone to heaven when I lost 58 pounds in 6 months going from my all-time lifetime high of 178 pounds (yes, that was on my 5'4" frame), to 120 pounds. I thought life had begun for me at last and I vowed never to revisit that "me" again. Over these 6 years I've learned a few things:



1. I am TOTALLY able to continue a regular daily (except for Sunday) exercise program....I don't like it exactly but I'm able to be committed and steady. I never miss my workouts unless I'm just physically in a place where I can't do it.....i.e. an airplane!



2. I still have food issues. I've steadily, albeit slowly, regained and lost pounds over and over again for the past 6 years. I currently weigh in at 150 pounds which is so frighteningly close to my REALLY FAT self that I can see her lurking around the corner. I can honestly say I havent' willingly looked in a mirror, (or at my reflection in a window!) in over a year, I just can't face myself.



3. This is the important realization......I still have NO idea what those issues are!



According to Bob I'm self-medicating, or using food to fill some empty space inside, or using food to push down some emotion I don't want to feel, or filling some need with food that could be filled in another way.....okay, then what is it and how do I find this out?



I've thought about when I eat....generally it's when I'm upset, nervous, jealous, or angry. Why I turn to food I have no idea unless it's simply that I haven't learned any other way to deal with those emotions. Come to think of it, those emotions are the ones I've tried to conquer appropriately my whole life.



My mother-in-law told me that my sister-in-law had been "starving herself" and was now so thin that we wouldn't recognize her.....I went home and ate a bowl of ice cream. My husband went on a diet to reduce his blood sugar and cholesterol and lost A LOT of weight in a relatively short time......I quit eating good food, stopped counting calories and simply gave up my formerly good eating habits entirely, when money is tight I eat, when I feel lonely I try a new recipe, when I'm worried about my children I want nothing but chocolate.



It seems like I have a good handle on when I eat but I have no idea why food has become the answer for me. I also have no idea how to handle those feelings more appropriately. When I lost the weight before I ate one salad a day....approximately 300 calories.....and NOTHING else except water from April to September. I also ended up in the hospital, my hair fell out, and I couldnt' sleep at night......somehow I don't think that was totally the way to do it and frankly I don't want to try it anyway..... it was painful.



This blog was started over a year ago as a "creative" outlet for me....somewhere for me to write down the humorous happenings in my life, since that time (sorry to those of you who were ...at least moderately entertained) I've felt the humor slowly disappear, most days are filled with anxiety of one sort or another....some imagined, some self-inflicted, some simply unavoidable ......



I'm not sure what the answer is but I know I'm tired of the struggle. I hate what my life has become.....a minute by minute struggle with food. You know what really bothers me? That old saying...."You are what you think about"......Perfect!....that makes me "The fat old slice of chocolate cake covered in ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top"!

What I've learned from a college student....

This past four days I've been lucky enough to be in Rexburg Idaho with "Tiny" ....as her guest for Mom's Weekend at BYU. At 50 I'm living the life of a college student. I have been so impressed with these girls. Their home is filled with the spirit. There are reminders in every room and on every wall of the divinity that is within each of them.

I have thought so much about what a special experience they are having here. How different it is from the world's view of what a college girl's life is like. There are no conflicts in this home over parties that go on too long into the night or roommates that invite boys to spend the night thus making the other girls feel uncomfortable. There is no question about what movies will be viewed or what music is appropriate. Their dress is always modest and ....to be honest....beautiful. The young man who dates these girls is expected to be everything good and virtuous. The attitude here is that "I should be able to date someone who has lived his life the way I have....with integrity, purity and honor"

I wish every girl could experience the happiness that comes to these girls from living their lives in harmony with God's laws. They take what they have been given and magnify it, they reach out to love others, they spread happiness and goodness, they truly can change the world....I am so happy and proud that my Daughter is here.

I watched the special on TV the other day about Oprah's Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa. I thought often as I watched the program about the standards they are expected to keep and the reasons given....because by learning to live good, virtuous, worthy lives they will be able to move out into the world someday and make a difference. That is what the girls in the church have been taught all their lives, to be different, to be unique, to stand out .... even to stand apart when necessary, but always to stand above the base and crude, and to to make a difference.....every day.

This is truth....goodness and light begets goodness and light. I am not a college student, but I can make a difference by the way I choose to live my life. I can work hard with integrity, I can provide for myself never expecting the government to sustain me. I can raise my children to Love .....the Lord, others and of course themselves. I can be positive and happy, I can try to speak kindly and reach out to those who have need of help, I can choose my words carefully trying to uplift and encourage.....

Yes, there's a lot to be learned from these girls.....they are......WONDERFUL!!